Rumi had a three minute nap and so has thrown himself around the house in a psychopathic state ever since.
My period STILL hasn't come, its a week late, I did a pregnancy test yesterday and it was negative thank god. I still have #vasectomyfail fears that won't go away until my period joins us and releases me from my human hating state.
Billie-Violet has unsuccessfully pleaded her case for another day off school, to no avail, I'm a shit mum.
Snow needs a straight jacket because I didn't let her put her head in the toilet.
I was angry at Bill coz I had a dream that he fucked someone else, turns out he had the exact same dream. #stillangry
Took the kids to the beach even thought it's minus 4 million degrees, we needed fresh air.
All was fine until...
Arlo ran over to me screaming and crying that his head hurt, I asked him where he banged it and he replied that he didn't, the bangs come from inside, on his brain..
Freaked the fuck out, piled everyone in the car and straight to the doctors, worried sick for my little ninja.
Shaking in the doctors surgery he checked my boy out, tells me he's fine and these things sometimes just happen to kids...
I'm still keeping a close eye on him.
But I'm also keeping a very close eye on me. Sometimes when I'm knee deep in nappies and my husbands as useful as a spare dick and my kids are acting like little Joffreys I lose sight of the bigger picture.
Two farmers are being hailed as heroes after they risked their own lives to save two dogs stranded on the roof of a car after it was swept away in Victorian floodwaters.
Despite the authorities deeming it too dangerous to attempt a rescue before nightfall, Chris Sewell and Benny Dyer weren’t going to risk seeing the dogs being swept away. They used a borrowed tinny as well as some gentle words of persuasion to coax “Blue” and “Red” from the car roof and into the boat. Their owner, Herbert Bettels, who survived being swept 2km downstream was understandably touched that the men hadn’t given up on his two dogs like so many others had.
The inspiring efforts of these two men have ensured they’ve earned themselves a lifetime supply of free beers from Herbert and most importantly, best friends status from his two very grateful dogs…
"To anyone who thinks that working mums have it all together. Ummm no...... I have just arrived home at 5.10pm. I woke up with my 3 year old at 4.30am, got kids ready, went to childcare, drove an hour in traffic and started work at 8am - in a normal job, nothing glamorous or exciting. I still have to do baths, make dinner and make a slice for work tomorrow who are having a 'fun' morning tea.
Mr 3 (who is happy to see me) has spent the last 15 minutes asking Why? Why?How? Why? About various things. This is cute but I am super tired. Miss one is upset and tired/hungry because daylight savings threw her out of routine.
My car is dirty.....filthy dirty. Filled with toys, juice boxes, lolly wrappers, red bull cans and way too many sultanas to even bother cleaning.
I have shopping on the passenger seat that I quickly grabbed at lunch time, schlepped to the office and finally back to my car 😩 it may appear that working mums have it together but we are really all just running around, muddling through and trying to make it all work, so no one is let down or left out 😪😪😪😪 I am grateful for my family and my job but it's not easy." #TMS7
Five years ago, when Connie told me she wanted to go public I warned her. The thing about dirty laundry is, there's no middle. You either shut the fuck up or you go all the way. I was scared. How could going through all this cancer business publicly possibly help our family? I told her in the strongest possible terms - this is a can you can't un-open. But leaders are fearless. She acknowledged my reservations and ploughed forth. I'm so glad she did.
Since Connie took the front foot our entire extended family have devoted their time, energy, acumen and money to Love Your Sister. In real dollar terms, my family have invested 250K at a bare minimum and that's a pittance of the true value they've provided. This really is a family run operation. Brothers, sisters, 2 cousins and an adopted stray.
I sit here now, five years later, so thoroughly stunned by how my family have chosen to deal with Connie's illness. Me and Connie cop the kudos, but there's so much more. We are in fact the boring ones in our family! True!
So, to celebrate our village numbers swelling to an astonishing 350,000, I'd like to say fuck it, and lift the curtain further on the Johnson clan because life's too bloody short.
This is a picture from a paper in the 70's, featuring my dad holding my sister Hilde, while mum makes coin shooting pool. My mum was one of the first women to go and shark the fellas in men-only bars. My dad was stay at home before the term was coined. And mum and dad were both bi-sexual. Looking back, I suppose we were fairly progressive. I like to think we still are.
Mum and dad have both had their time here and I can only imagine what they might make of all this Love Your Sister nonsense.
My sister Connie is fighting the cancer in her back in the Canberra Hospital tonight. My other sister Hilde (pictured with dad) is probably on her way home from another demanding 12 hour shift as a P.O. And I'm sitting in my bush shack staring at old clippings and realising how fucking lucky I am. We're mostly dead and half on our knees, but I'll be fucked if this family hasn't epitomised what family should be. Out and fucking proud.
Needless to say, Love Your Sister proudly supports gender equality and free love for all. Hurry up government people, we were on to this shit decades ago.
We've received a lot of feedback from you all in the last 24 hours about whether we stock 'Steamed Hams'. Please note that in Australia, we call them Hamburgers. 'Steamed Hams' is an Albany, New York expression. Fans of 'The Simpsons', this is for you…
Important information from the Australian Defence Force: Up to five Black Hawk helicopters will fly over Adelaide and surrounding areas from 16 to 24 June 2016 as part of a training exercise. The exercise will ensure pilots and aircrew are well trained for flying in all conditions across urban and rural areas. Flights will occur during the afternoon and evening, concluding by approximately 11.30pm. Some flight paths are necessarily lower than normal and unavoidable noise may be noticeable for short periods. Residents should not be concerned if they hear or see these activities occurring. The training is being conducted to ensure the ADF maintains the highest level of capability to respond, where required, to support national interests. The ADF acknowledges that these activities may result in possible disturbances to local residents, however, wherever possible, the ADF seeks to minimise this disruption. The ADF would like to thank the local residents and businesses for their continued support and cooperation during this important training. (please share ...)
"A rainbow is a promise of sunshine after rain of calm after storms of joy after sadness of peace after pain of love after loss.
A rainbow baby is a baby born following loss. These mommas are just 6 out of the millions that experience pregnancy/infant loss every day. Some speak out. Some stay silent. Some have lost many. Some try for months or years. Some meet their sleeping angels. All loved and never forgotten.❤️💛💚💙💜"
I just revived this message and photo from a Queen.
It's the best and I had to share.
Me and my husband have been quietly struggling to conceive for the last 19 months (yes I know 19 months isn't very long compared to some peoples journeys) but when everyone around you seems to be falling pregnant it feels like forever. Having ploughed our way through all the tests it turns out its my ovaries that don't seem to wanna play nicely. #marvellous
Tomorrow I start on fertility drugs so yesterday, before the hormones start raging through my body and turning me into a stressy, emotional mess, I decided to get this as a reminder that, despite my faults, flaws and somewhat broken reproductive system, I am a queen and I always will be. It's a personal pick me up for those days when I don't feel like I'm enough.
Babies or no babies, I am good enough for my husband and more importantly for myself and I shall try not to forget that. I wear my crown with pride! Just thought I would share.
P.S. My dads going to go mad 😂"
I FUCKING LOVE YOU ANONYMOUS QUEEEEEEN. Brave and Clever and just basically Queening through life.