The Murray River today. 400kms of toxic blue-green algal bloom. Red alert warning from Albury to Swan Hill, too toxic to touch, irrigate or give to stock. Nationals and Liberals with support of Labor gutted the MDB Plan and this is the result. Poor fellow my country.
I had breakfast with a friend and of course Snow shat.
I went to the bathroom and there was no change table.
No dramas the restaurant was in a park, I went very far away, put her on the grass and changed her bum.
No big deal.
30 minutes later a women approached me and said, "I saw you changing your daughters nappy, could you please use the change table next time"
I said "there wasn't one"
She said "there is, it's in the disabled toilet and that's around the other corner"
I said "cool, she's probably not due for another shit for about 6 hours but I will act accordingly" I felt like a loser. The world went on.
The following weekend we were at the park, all of us. Rumi shat.. I told Bill that it was his turn, he put Rumi on the grass and changed his bum.
A group of women walked passed, one said.. "Aww good dad!!! That's what we like to see, get in there"
Bill felt like a legend. The world went on.
I didn't think much of it because I am used to it. I am used to being scrutinised for jobs that my husband is praised for. I am used to picking the kids up from school to judgmental looks about being late, while Bill is used to a red fucking carpet and a 12 piece band praising him for his heroic appearance at school pick up.
That's the way we as a society are, we place so much pressure on women to be perfect and selfless while putting low parenting expectations on men.
I am not saying quit the praise. I love seeing Bill get praised for the things he does for our kids. He is a good dad, why not celebrate him. But let's praise each other too, let's see a women talking on the phone while pushing her pram and think 'wow, she chose not to stay at home bidding on eBay smashing straight vodka. She chose to come to the park and be a magnificent mum'
Celebrations, high fives or just a complaint for all Queens today. Because Queening deserves a standing ovation.
Kindness puts a red carpet under every shitty arse and a 12 piece band at every late school drop off.
I have this friend Jazz, she used to go out with a total fuckhead.
Like a total fuckhead, he would yell at her in public, embarrass her, control her money, he was indisputably a fuck head.
And we used to get so mad at her for staying, she's beautiful and kind and caring and we couldn't understand why she wouldn't just walk away.
Well eventually she did walk away, when I saw her the other day and we laughed about how much of a fuck head he was. But then I asked her, what could we have done better to support you while you were with him or help you actually leave sooner? and she responded with this,
“Well think about the way you and the girls all approached me, you constantly said that I should leave, some of you got really mad at me for not leaving and I still don't even talk to Jess. It kind of felt a bit like you were victim blaming me, it wasn't me who was being the arsehole it was him. And Im sorry but until you’ve been in an abusive relationship you have no idea how strong the curse your under to stay actually is”
I realised Jazz was right, we did victim blame her, we always asked her what SHE was going to do about it, we put so much pressure on her when really she needed the opposite, support and positive encouragement to leave. We were trying to make her see that she was strong enough to leave but we actually made her feel like the biggest failure for not having done it yet.
I learnt a massive lesson, about how to approach someone in an abusive relationship. Focus on the things that she is capable of, show her that she isn't alone and wouldn't be if she left because focusing on how fucked up her relationship is and how horrible he is will only make her feel like a bigger failure for staying and eventually push her further away isolating her further, which is EXACTLY What fuck head boyfriends want.. But reminding her of how lovely and strong and capable and looked after she is might actually help her out of the rut.
I asked Jazz if she had any advice for anyone in an abusive relationship and she said this, “You are not stupid, you don't need anyone to tell you that he is a prick, you know it and you hate yourself for staying, but remember this.. There will come a time where you have had enough and you will feel strong and your fear of leaving will be gone and you will live the life that you deserve. Stop hating yourself, just because leaving is your responsibility doesn't make staying your fault. He hasn't broken you. He can't break you”
How cool is that? Almost as cool as the fact that Jazz is now a mum and her partner is hot as fuck and treats her like a Queen 👊🏼💗