For those budding Pokemon Trainers out there using Pokemon Go - whilst the Darwin Police Station may feature as a Pokestop, please be advised that you don't actually have to step inside in order to gain the pokeballs.
It's also a good idea to look up, away from your phone and both ways before crossing the street. That Sandshrew isn't going anywhere fast.
You'll start work at 5.30am and finish at...... hang on we'll come back to this one.
You definitely get a lunch break, most of us like to take roughly 3 seconds to stuff kids left overs into our mouths on their way to the bin. Great for the waist line.. well..
Holidays? Of course you get holidays. Only you must work harder then usual, kids leave their routines at home, partners need to relax and "unwind" after all the hard work they did to pay for this trip. Have fun!!!
We believe health is the foundations of all good parenting, so if you are sick please take the time and consideration to pretend you're not. And continue holding the house together, for the greater health... of your family.
Mental health. We've found that a lot of new mums find this 20 year commitment daunting. We struggle to understand why, but if you do need some assistance in the mental health sector you are welcome to take it... just don't tell anyone.... we may have to resort to labelling you as someone who didn't take to mumming naturally, which may lead to the label 'not coping' which could then lead to the label 'lost the plot'
Your performance will be rated by the one thing you have little control over, your baby, child and partners behaviour in public.
Overtime? We don't like our mums to call it over time, we like them to call it 'family time' the time the family gets to present you with complaints while you are trying to shit or sleep or pay a bill on the internet.
Don't forget your new uniform. This ripped up top with spaghetti marks that you are pretty sure you mopped piss with last week and a pair of baggy stained undies with pubes sticking out of them.
Oh and one more thing, just prepare yourself for a bunch of royal fuck wits to ask you what you do all day.
And don't forget to be above all else... #blessed.
If you have any further queries, don't bother complaining. We will only label you ungrateful.
GREAT WHITE SHARK KILLED A shark has been caught and killed of the coast of WA. Authorities haven't confirmed if it's the same shark which mauled 29-year-old surfer Ben Gerring. Do you think killing the shark was the appropriate course of action?
Remember Coles Cafeterias? Long before the fast food chains arrived in Australia, the main emporiums and department stores catered for their customers with a cafeteria style dining room, offering the ‘fast food’ of the day. You could have a pie with chips and sauce on a plate, eaten with a knife and fork. To a young child Coles Cafeteria was a wondrous place. It always seemed so large, so many tables and so crowded. There was a plastic tray which you pushed along the shelf and in front of you the 'bain marie' full of steaming hot food, served by the matronly ladies in their white Coles coats, always offering a large dollop of gravy, I loved my banana splits or mixed sundaes but I always felt more grown up if I selected the trifle because I knew it had a little bit of sherry in it. Do you remember eating at a Coles Cafeteria as a child? Photo from Pinterest
Does this belong to you? Northern Beaches LAC - NSW Police Force are looking for the owner of 34 garbage bags full of cannabis found in bushland at Terrey Hills. Attend your local police station to claim ownership. We'd love to hear from you.
Everybody keeps asking me where are the kids while I'm on tour.
I find it kind of odd. Most conversations go back to "where are your kids?" And "who's looking after your kids?"
The well intentioned question actually insults men as much as it insults Queens.
My husband has worked away often, called me from the local pub in a country town as him and the boys were having dinner after work.
I asked him, "did anyone ever ask you who was looking after our kids?" He said no.
So I asked the FIFO workers that I know, some of whom work away for up to 5 weeks at a time if their co-workers ask them everyday "who's looking after your kids?" They all said no.
And then I asked my friends husband, a high rolling corporate who wears a flash suit and doesn't get home until after 8 most nights, if anyone has ever asked him "who's picks your kids up from school every day?" He laughed and replied, "no."
I have felt guilt and gratefulness this last week. Guilt for enjoying finally putting my career first and grateful that my husband has put his career on hold so that I can do so. But I don't remember Him ever feeling grateful that I was allowing him to put his career first for the last 8 years...
It was yet again me who was expected to be grateful, that he was putting food on the table.
So for anyone wondering where the kids are? Half of them are with me and half of them are with their dad, we join forces on Friday but I'm not fucking taking them all on my tour on my own simply because I'm a women, I'm just not.
Bill gets it now, it's been a long learning curve for both of us, yet he has now reached a point where he wanted to take them all. But the older ones wanted to come with me and I wanted to be with them.
I have a lot of things to be grateful for, but a man looking after our kids while I work is not one of them. 👊🏼💘👑
WIN WIN WIN!!! Want to win 4x Gift Cards valued at $50 each to Adventure Park! All you need to do is Like this post, Share this post, Comment below & Tag 2 people you would like to visit Adventure Park with, for your chance to win! Competition Closes Sunday 25th December 2016! Good Luck!