Its 3.30am and I've now been up for two hours trying to get my teething ten month old back to sleep, or at least to stop her from screaming. As I stand there, period pain crippling me, a mouth ulcer the size of mars on my inner bottom lip and the biggest dark circles under my eyes you've ever seen, I weigh up whether or not to change Bellas pajamas that she so graciously just shit on (I don't change it, just wipe it clean with those magical baby wipes that we use for EVERYTHING). This is hard I manage to mumble. I pick her up and try and calm us both down but not much is working. It's now 4.30am and I'm sitting on the lounge with tears rolling down my face exhausted and over it. The baby is finally asleep on my chest and I have finally stopped crying. As I slowly get up trying not to wake her, and place her cautiously in her cot, I look at her and think "my god I need a break from you kid". I love you so much, but I really just need a day or a night to myself without the constant need of me from you. Am I allowed to think that? Am I a bad mum for thinking that? "Is It Okay?"
It's not very often that Sam and I get to go on a date or have some time to ourselves, and sometimes that sux. It is in no means something that is NOT our fault because it was our decision to move 800kms away from all forms of babysitters. However, it does mean that it's ten times harder to get a break and there is not one single mum or dad out there that doesn't deserve a time out every now and again. I find myself missing things like being able to go out for a drink with a friend or Sam, or even just duck to the shops to have a squiz at kmart without having to pack a whole lunchbox for bub. I guess what I really miss is just having to worry about myself for a little bit, to stop my mind from stressing about whether or not her poo consistency is normal or if that cough is an early sign of a cold. I just want a break from mum duties for an hour or so... "Is It Okay?"
Let's talk about our mental state. Seriously, some days I feel like I am the loneliest person in the world and have failed at all aspects of parenting. Other days I feel like the luckiest person in the world and don't need anyone other than my daughter and partner and feel like I've totally smashed my role as a mum. There are so many different days and it is so important to look after yourself and how you are feeling. Dealing with a screaming fucking baby all night and day over a consecutive week is not ideal for the mental health. Let's face it, we need a break from it even if it is just a half an hour shower to wash our knotted hair that's been itchy as anything for the last week. I'm lucky because even though I am physically far away from close friends and family, they are a fantastic support system via the phone. I know I can have a cry or a whinge to them over the phone and feel a lot better, knowing that at least I can talk about my feelings. We are also super lucky because we have family that will and have gone above and beyond and have flown up for a night or so to give us some time off. I don't think they realise how much it means to us and just how much it has actually helped Sam and my relationship, to have two hours together and eat without having a gremlin reach for our yummy food. But, in all seriousness having a break is vital to maintaining a healthy state of mind, after all working at any other job what do we think sick days are for?
Now in no means do I want to take the spotlight completely away from the employed partner (mum or dad) in this relationship because mine does ONE HELL OF A JOB both at home and at work to provide for our family- both with love and money. However, I do want to put the stay at home parent in the spotlight for a little bit. Staying at home is not a luxurious job. I repeat IT IS NOT A LUXURIOUS JOB. Note-don't ask me what I do all day, because most days I don't remember- they all roll into one big constant regime of changing poo, feeding, washing, maybe eating for myself... I don't know, I can't remember. It is a full time job, and by full time I mean non-stop, no set hours, no specific eating times and definitely no peaceful toilet breaks. Some days I am forced to make the dreaded decision whether or not to quickly try and eat a meal or catch up on some sleep that was stolen from me through the night by the gremlin child. Whoopsy daisies, I won't be doing either one because we have swimming lessons tomorrow and we have no clean beach towels, so off I go to tackle the mountains of washing (both clean and dirty) that is taking over my entire house. I know that one day soon I'll be heading back to work, which will leave us no choice but to put our daughter into daycare one-two days a week because we aren't fortunate enough to have a grandparent close enough to take her (those of you who do- go and kiss those beautiful humans, they are amazing creatures). It gets me thinking though, am I going back to have a break from her, a break from mum duties, or to even just be surrounded by adult conversations? And that's when my guilt sets in. It makes me cranky though because we all deserve a break regardless of what our role is in the childs life. "Is It Okay?"
Let me just re-iterate the FACT that this does not mean that I am unhappy or am having a hard time enjoying my role as a mother because I love being a mum and would NOT change it for anything. I am merely just stating that some days not only do I WANT a break, I NEED one too, and I can assure you any mum or dad will agree with me. It is vital to keep in touch with who you are outside of mum and dad world, including remembering you are in a relationship with that other person who is wiping some of the pooey bums too! Don't forget them, and don't forget what you had before bub.
So in answer to the question- Is It Okay? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. Because the only question that should be in focus is, Are YOU Okay?
For those budding Pokemon Trainers out there using Pokemon Go - whilst the Darwin Police Station may feature as a Pokestop, please be advised that you don't actually have to step inside in order to gain the pokeballs.
It's also a good idea to look up, away from your phone and both ways before crossing the street. That Sandshrew isn't going anywhere fast.
Met a lot of people working in the music industry in Australia, Jon was one of the good guys. Sang great, worked hard, and could do anything he put his mind to. He knew how to have a good time as well. He'll be sadly missed but he won't be forgotten.
GREAT WHITE SHARK KILLED A shark has been caught and killed of the coast of WA. Authorities haven't confirmed if it's the same shark which mauled 29-year-old surfer Ben Gerring. Do you think killing the shark was the appropriate course of action?
Remember Coles Cafeterias? Long before the fast food chains arrived in Australia, the main emporiums and department stores catered for their customers with a cafeteria style dining room, offering the ‘fast food’ of the day. You could have a pie with chips and sauce on a plate, eaten with a knife and fork. To a young child Coles Cafeteria was a wondrous place. It always seemed so large, so many tables and so crowded. There was a plastic tray which you pushed along the shelf and in front of you the 'bain marie' full of steaming hot food, served by the matronly ladies in their white Coles coats, always offering a large dollop of gravy, I loved my banana splits or mixed sundaes but I always felt more grown up if I selected the trifle because I knew it had a little bit of sherry in it. Do you remember eating at a Coles Cafeteria as a child? Photo from Pinterest
You'll start work at 5.30am and finish at...... hang on we'll come back to this one.
You definitely get a lunch break, most of us like to take roughly 3 seconds to stuff kids left overs into our mouths on their way to the bin. Great for the waist line.. well..
Holidays? Of course you get holidays. Only you must work harder then usual, kids leave their routines at home, partners need to relax and "unwind" after all the hard work they did to pay for this trip. Have fun!!!
We believe health is the foundations of all good parenting, so if you are sick please take the time and consideration to pretend you're not. And continue holding the house together, for the greater health... of your family.
Mental health. We've found that a lot of new mums find this 20 year commitment daunting. We struggle to understand why, but if you do need some assistance in the mental health sector you are welcome to take it... just don't tell anyone.... we may have to resort to labelling you as someone who didn't take to mumming naturally, which may lead to the label 'not coping' which could then lead to the label 'lost the plot'
Your performance will be rated by the one thing you have little control over, your baby, child and partners behaviour in public.
Overtime? We don't like our mums to call it over time, we like them to call it 'family time' the time the family gets to present you with complaints while you are trying to shit or sleep or pay a bill on the internet.
Don't forget your new uniform. This ripped up top with spaghetti marks that you are pretty sure you mopped piss with last week and a pair of baggy stained undies with pubes sticking out of them.
Oh and one more thing, just prepare yourself for a bunch of royal fuck wits to ask you what you do all day.
And don't forget to be above all else... #blessed.
If you have any further queries, don't bother complaining. We will only label you ungrateful.
WIN WIN WIN!!! Want to win 4x Gift Cards valued at $50 each to Adventure Park! All you need to do is Like this post, Share this post, Comment below & Tag 2 people you would like to visit Adventure Park with, for your chance to win! Competition Closes Sunday 25th December 2016! Good Luck!
Everybody keeps asking me where are the kids while I'm on tour.
I find it kind of odd. Most conversations go back to "where are your kids?" And "who's looking after your kids?"
The well intentioned question actually insults men as much as it insults Queens.
My husband has worked away often, called me from the local pub in a country town as him and the boys were having dinner after work.
I asked him, "did anyone ever ask you who was looking after our kids?" He said no.
So I asked the FIFO workers that I know, some of whom work away for up to 5 weeks at a time if their co-workers ask them everyday "who's looking after your kids?" They all said no.
And then I asked my friends husband, a high rolling corporate who wears a flash suit and doesn't get home until after 8 most nights, if anyone has ever asked him "who's picks your kids up from school every day?" He laughed and replied, "no."
I have felt guilt and gratefulness this last week. Guilt for enjoying finally putting my career first and grateful that my husband has put his career on hold so that I can do so. But I don't remember Him ever feeling grateful that I was allowing him to put his career first for the last 8 years...
It was yet again me who was expected to be grateful, that he was putting food on the table.
So for anyone wondering where the kids are? Half of them are with me and half of them are with their dad, we join forces on Friday but I'm not fucking taking them all on my tour on my own simply because I'm a women, I'm just not.
Bill gets it now, it's been a long learning curve for both of us, yet he has now reached a point where he wanted to take them all. But the older ones wanted to come with me and I wanted to be with them.
I have a lot of things to be grateful for, but a man looking after our kids while I work is not one of them. 👊🏼💘👑