An open letter to my 7 year old daughter who won't talk to me because I won't let her watch The Bachelor.
Dear Miss Billie-Violet,
Last night you got angry at me. You told me that it isn't fair that I don't let you watch The Bachelor.
I know right? It's the Bachelor. I let you watch all sorts of shows, you often hear swearing on TV and you don't bat an eye lid at nudity.
So why have I gone all hard arse on The Bachelor?
Because sweet thing and listen very carefully, your mum is rarely wise so you must pay attention.
You go to school and you are asked to run race against your best friend, you get into class and you offered a prize if you are the BEST artist in the class, you brush your hair in the bath tub with your friends and decide to Hold a COMPETITION on who's hair is the longest.
I have had to reside myself and give in to the great competition that is our society. Your little lives are full to the brim with competing against each other, sometimes it's a miracle that kids leave childhood with any friends at all.
But do you know what one thing you should NEVER ever compete for is?
Because there are no winners and there are no losers with love. In your life you will love a man and he will love someone else, it happens to everyone. But that someone else didn't win and you didn't lose. You might meet someone else, you might decide you like women, you might just love being alone. But you will never lose.
And do you want to know the most important reason I won't let you watch The Bachelor? Because the day your friends fall in love should bring you SOOOOOO much joy. The absolute funnest part of falling in love is debriefing and dissecting and repeating every single thing that he said to you with...... Your friends, because they WANT to know, they love the fact that you are in love. They don't sit in a corner at a cocktail party staring at you and bitching about you to other girls who they also hate because they are all COMPETING for love.
That's just not how it works.
So you go and read a book or something while mummy watches The Bachelor on her own because I'm old enough know that it is fiction and I love a bit of shit fiction but your fresh young impressionable brain should be planning how you and every other little sweet girl you know are going to join forces and lead this beautiful world instead of poisoning yourself with shit TV.
So be mad if you must Miss Billie-Violet, but one day when your best friend and you are up until 3am Facebook stalking the boy she is in love with I will listen to you giggling and barge in for my apology.
"When people ask 'whos baby?' we reply 'ours' 'yeah, but whos actual baby?' 'ours' The confusion on their face. His biology doesn't matter to us so why does it matter to a stranger. Why cant they just ask if he is loved. Thats all that matters."
Blessed to have the most popular man in India, Brett Lee, as F45 ambassador. F45 has now sold 10 franchises in India, with another 150 to sell over the next 24 months. Franchise opportunites available now at http://f45training.in/
Just a few days I found out my cancer was having a party in my liver. Needless to say I didn't want to join the party. I was sad, low, and felt hopeless. Then my cheeky little brother unleashed my world record idea for longest line of coins (months early!) and the response has overwhelmed me completely. I thought 4 million five cent coins would be a real stretch. It's so many! But in 24 short hours, you have thrown a staggering 3.2 million five cent coins in the kitty! In dollar terms, we need to raise $195,705,05 to break the record and since yesterday, you have pooled together...wait for it...$162,979.95!
I can't get this silly grin off my face! Over 5200 villagers have purchased metres! Other patients in the hospital with me, the nurses and people on the street (when I went out for gate leave) are all getting behind our moonshot. It's possible that I am not only the happiest cancer patient in the country right now, but that I am the happiest person, full stop. Thanks for making me so happy. Thank you thank you thank you XXConnie
"It was my birthday yesterday and my partner gave me a thoughtful gift... A Bunnings voucher with spare change for a snag and can of drink." It doesn't get more Aussie than that! 😂 Thanks for sharing this with us, Kelly Hazell! #9Today
A chocolate shop in Montville, QLD, has posted this hilarious advertisment, looking for a teen staffer with 'life skills' which include being able to 'push a brush like you mean it" and being able "to last eight hours without your phone". This is epic. (Credit: Facebook/Chocolate Country) #9Today