UPDATE... cyclone due to hit the coast anywhere between Cape York & Brisbane ... possibly during the day ... or night time. Expected windspeed somewhere between "blowing the curtains in front of the TV" & "fuck, there goes the roof" .... stay indoors, except when windspeed reaches "fuck there goes the roof" ..... (Go to neighbour with roof) they should also have 20 loaves of bread they grabbed from woolies yesterday and 10 cartons of fresh milk that has started to turn cos the power went out a few hours ago...
Monday SURPRISE give away Thanks to 20th Century Fox and DREAMWORKS and in celebration of THE BOSS BABY being in Cinemas we are giving you the chance to WIN a BOSS BABY pack which also contains a Family Pass for 4 to see the film during its season. Simply like this post and share with anyone else who would like the chance to win, Winner must be a resident of South Australia and be able to collect their prize from Event Cinemas Marion. If you have not seen the BOSS BABY yet book on line at eventcinemas.com.au or purchase your tickets at the box office. Winner drawn on Wednesday Night and notified via Private Message
Lauren’s relationship had three basic stages: the 2 week fun bit, the 2 year restructure of her man as a human and an intense 6 months of dropping engagement hints that would make a thrice divorced mummyprenuer’s pyramid sales pitch over messenger seem subtle.
Over time Lauren’s hints became more aggressive. She needed a ring to provide credibility to her relentless boasting to her favs that she and Dan were tighter than a baby boomer's fist in the economy’s hole without the decency to use the sweat of Gen Y as lube.
She storms into the lounge room while Dan watches the Dockers waterhouse yet another game, “are you even serious about all this?” She runs out crying and refuses to elaborate further on her outburst.
It’s not just the outbursts, it was also the sex life. It’s like his dick was a Zooper Dooper that was too cold for the mouth so it’d just be squeezed impatiently until it melted. He even used to enjoy a little foray into ol brokeback’s shack, but that has since been abandoned like Dreamworld’s ticket line.
Dan is a good guy, but his judgment is as shit as Grant Denyer’s driving. He waltzes into Cash Converters and starts perusing the “my baby’s daddy is in prison so I sold the ring” section. He puts a deposit on a $600 ring and intends to return the following week to complete the transaction.
Alas, Lauren uses his car the next day and spots Cash Converter’s Victoria Park in the GPS. “He better be after a new fuking kite surfing board” she thinks as she travels to the rip-off-a-torium. After a series of intense questions, she determines that a man matching Dan’s description had attempted to commit engagacide.
When Dan gets home that night, Lauren is standing in the corridor staring at him like Elliot Stabler looks at an especially heinous sex criminal. “Cash converters? I won’t say yes, did you think you could get away with it?”
Fuck. Dan has been exposed like a dick through a trenchcoat. He bites the bullet and blows his savings on a $5k piece with a diamond that looked as big as a little African kid’s hands as compared to the enormous pick-axe use to mine it.
As per Lauren’s dreams (instructions), Dan books a holiday in Cable Beach and arranges a $200 beach picnic. He goes to reach into his pocket but is interrupted, “champagne first darling, the sun hasn’t even started setting”.
Sun now setting, he proposes with her dream words (script) but she is too busy fucking around with her iPhone camera to actually say yes. Not to worry, she takes 78 couple’s selfies until she decides on the perfect one that makes her look hot and the stone sparkle like a toilet in a Spray & Wipe commercial.
Instead of enjoying the moment, she spends the next 30 minutes re-drafting her social media post caption, settling with, “he ROCKS my world ;) #shesaidyes #yes #marriage #engaged #diamond #whereisthediamond #broome #love #loveconquors #helovesme #yallslutslonley”.
As they say, you are not officially engaged until you’ve alerted a bunch of high school acquaintances on social media that you’d rather die than ever see again.
Congratulations to Wentworth's Danielle Cormack, nominated for Best Actress for her role as Bea Smith and Nicole da Silva nominated for Most Outstanding Supporting Actress for her role as Franky Doyle at the 59th Annual TV WEEK Logie Awards.
Our stunning new Lindt Easter Gifting Eggs make the perfect canvas for your creativity. Why not let Lindt Master Chocolatier, Thomas inspire you with this Easter creation. Delicate decorations make these eggs the ultimate Easter gift for someone special.
Share your creations made with Lindt chocolate #MyLindtDessert
Learn more about our Easter eggs: http://bit.ly/Lindt-Easter-Eggs-17
Hey good news everyone: Frenzal Rhomb have made a new album, and booked a tour to go with it!
Yep, Frenzal Rhomb, the most hospitalised band in the world (Seriously, everything from broken drumming arms and detached guitar-playing retinas to an actual pig-borne tapeworm in the lead singer's brain), are releasing their ninth full-length punk rock record. And just like a ninth child to a religious family, they're really getting good at it. Recorded once again by Bill Stevenson (Descendents, Black Flag) and Jason Livermore at The Blasting Room in Fort Collins, Colorado, Hi-Vis High Tea is a concept album about a whole bunch of different concepts. 20 songs clocking in at just over 30 minutes, but what they lack in length they make up for in brevity.
And it sounds fucken rad. But don't take my word for it, I'm just a computer-generated bio-writing algorithm Frenzal Rhomb downloaded from the darknet; you should just listen to the album. "Oh but it's not out until 26th May" I hear you say. Can't your l33t haxxor mates wikileak it from Assange's Trumpified arsehole? If not then here, as a gesture of goodwill, is a gift; a song in fact. A shiny, pop, ready-for-radio single. Perfect for your end-of-year summer hit compilations. Oh yeah, and it's called "Cunt Act". Learn it, coz your kids are gonna get it tattooed on their faces. And enjoy the video, as crafted by Frenzal Rhomb collaborator and enabler Mr Fox Trotsky of Xray Studios. Please clap.
ALBUM LAUNCH SHOWS! Early bird Presale 9am Wednesday 29th March Tickets on sale 9am Friday 31st March
Fri 16th June Capitol Perth + Guests Tickets: http://bit.ly/2nfJsqz
Sat 17th June Prince of Wales Bunbury + Guests Tickets: http://bit.ly/2o7sHLN
For the last two years, the Government has been dragging its feet while the Wilmar, a foreign multinational, holds the sugar cane growers of Queensland hostage.
I have spoken to the Prime Minister about this, I've arranged meetings between the cane growers and the Government, I've even offered to fly to Singapore to speak with Wilmar executives. The Government has said to the cane growers and I that they would do something but NOTHING has been done!
This morning I told the Government that they need to get their priorities in order and deal with this! Unless they follow through and stop this foreign multinational from exploiting Australian businesses we will be abstaining any votes on legislation.
What is more, Barnaby Joyce has failed on his commitment to growers and should come clean on why he and the National Party refuse to help farmers in this country.
Barnaby put more effort and energy into keeping Pistol & Boo out of the country than what he’s put into holding big business, banks, multinationals and tree huggers with green shirts to account. This sounds more "bat poo crazy” to me.
ISSA afakasi thang baby 🔥🔥 finally got to meet this beauty and oh mah lordtt we ON FIRE together 💀💀💀💀💀💀 TOO MUCH SOSI 😍😂🙌🏻❤️ #SamoanKorean 🌺 #SamoanAfricanAmerican 💦🌺 #TERRYMILOVALE 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 #SamoanMoni #CollabVidCominRealSoon 😩😩#SlayinDaGame