I HAVE never missed my mum as much as I have since I become one myself.
I think of her often and I can now finally appreciate the magnitude of the love she would have had for my brother and I. That all mothers have for their children.
I lost my mum when I was 5 years old.
It was war torn Ethiopia in the midst of a famine in 1995. Our mum knew she couldn't give my twin and I a chance at life, so she made the decision to put us in an orphanage. Flash forward a year spent in that orphanage and we had a new adopted family in Australia and we were thriving. And safe.
Life is funny in that it will only give you the battles and challenges that you are equipped to handle. Even if in some moments you don't feel like you are strong enough - you are. Believe me 💪🏽
I miss my mum so much and I feel a pain and emptiness that may never leave my heart, but I can see now, when I look at Harper, that my mum would have loved me and giving us up would have been the most powerful act of love possible.
It has taken me 28 years to truly believe that 🙏🏽❤️ #sundaynightthoughts #amotherslove
Lauren’s relationship had three basic stages: the 2 week fun bit, the 2 year restructure of her man as a human and an intense 6 months of dropping engagement hints that would make a thrice divorced mummyprenuer’s pyramid sales pitch over messenger seem subtle.
Over time Lauren’s hints became more aggressive. She needed a ring to provide credibility to her relentless boasting to her favs that she and Dan were tighter than a baby boomer's fist in the economy’s hole without the decency to use the sweat of Gen Y as lube.
She storms into the lounge room while Dan watches the Dockers waterhouse yet another game, “are you even serious about all this?” She runs out crying and refuses to elaborate further on her outburst.
It’s not just the outbursts, it was also the sex life. It’s like his dick was a Zooper Dooper that was too cold for the mouth so it’d just be squeezed impatiently until it melted. He even used to enjoy a little foray into ol brokeback’s shack, but that has since been abandoned like Dreamworld’s ticket line.
Dan is a good guy, but his judgment is as shit as Grant Denyer’s driving. He waltzes into Cash Converters and starts perusing the “my baby’s daddy is in prison so I sold the ring” section. He puts a deposit on a $600 ring and intends to return the following week to complete the transaction.
Alas, Lauren uses his car the next day and spots Cash Converter’s Victoria Park in the GPS. “He better be after a new fuking kite surfing board” she thinks as she travels to the rip-off-a-torium. After a series of intense questions, she determines that a man matching Dan’s description had attempted to commit engagacide.
When Dan gets home that night, Lauren is standing in the corridor staring at him like Elliot Stabler looks at an especially heinous sex criminal. “Cash converters? I won’t say yes, did you think you could get away with it?”
Fuck. Dan has been exposed like a dick through a trenchcoat. He bites the bullet and blows his savings on a $5k piece with a diamond that looked as big as a little African kid’s hands as compared to the enormous pick-axe use to mine it.
As per Lauren’s dreams (instructions), Dan books a holiday in Cable Beach and arranges a $200 beach picnic. He goes to reach into his pocket but is interrupted, “champagne first darling, the sun hasn’t even started setting”.
Sun now setting, he proposes with her dream words (script) but she is too busy fucking around with her iPhone camera to actually say yes. Not to worry, she takes 78 couple’s selfies until she decides on the perfect one that makes her look hot and the stone sparkle like a toilet in a Spray & Wipe commercial.
Instead of enjoying the moment, she spends the next 30 minutes re-drafting her social media post caption, settling with, “he ROCKS my world ;) #shesaidyes #yes #marriage #engaged #diamond #whereisthediamond #broome #love #loveconquors #helovesme #yallslutslonley”.
As they say, you are not officially engaged until you’ve alerted a bunch of high school acquaintances on social media that you’d rather die than ever see again.
Today is Purple Day for Epilepsy awareness around the world! 💜💜💜💜💜💜 I have suffered from epilepsy for a lot of my life so I am very passionate about this. The arts spire has turned purple today and tomorrow to support awareness and understanding to try and get people talking about epilepsy and to help remove the stigma around it. 50 million Humans worldwide have epilepsy so it's important for those that have it to know they are not alone. If you're in the city tonight or tomorrow night make sure you snap a pic and start up a conversation! To find out more visit www.Purpleday.com.au and www.epilepsyfoundation.org.au 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
CHEATED DEATH: Grant Denyer has survived a horror crash while driving at speeds of up to 160kmh during a rally race in Victoria. His shocked wife, Chezzi, told the Herald Sun the crash was a “freak accident”. http://trib.al/QH3F8ql
Our stunning new Lindt Easter Gifting Eggs make the perfect canvas for your creativity. Why not let Lindt Master Chocolatier, Thomas inspire you with this Easter creation. Delicate decorations make these eggs the ultimate Easter gift for someone special.
Share your creations made with Lindt chocolate #MyLindtDessert
Learn more about our Easter eggs: http://bit.ly/Lindt-Easter-Eggs-17
For the last two years, the Government has been dragging its feet while the Wilmar, a foreign multinational, holds the sugar cane growers of Queensland hostage.
I have spoken to the Prime Minister about this, I've arranged meetings between the cane growers and the Government, I've even offered to fly to Singapore to speak with Wilmar executives. The Government has said to the cane growers and I that they would do something but NOTHING has been done!
This morning I told the Government that they need to get their priorities in order and deal with this! Unless they follow through and stop this foreign multinational from exploiting Australian businesses we will be abstaining any votes on legislation.
What is more, Barnaby Joyce has failed on his commitment to growers and should come clean on why he and the National Party refuse to help farmers in this country.
Barnaby put more effort and energy into keeping Pistol & Boo out of the country than what he’s put into holding big business, banks, multinationals and tree huggers with green shirts to account. This sounds more "bat poo crazy” to me.
First and foremost, I need to thank @melissahickey18 for allowing me to steal her guns and claim them as my own for this photo [ok she didn't give me permission, and I've kind of been stalking her since meeting her a few weeks ago because I'm totes in love with her... but we will let that slide for now]. Secondly, my girl @abbgilmore kicked off her AFL career tonight and I'm TOTALLY JEALOUS. Despite my body not being QUITE READY [aka: no where near ready] to take on the demands of playing footy, I'm genuinely starting to consider having a kick. I've had two teams approach me to play... something that actually makes me LOL because I never ever thought it's something I'd do and that clubs would actually WANT me to play, BUT something that makes me a teeny bit excited too? Eeeeek. Do I, or don't I? My dad will be cheering, my hubby is pumped at the idea, my physio just probably dropped dead, my manager is probably going into cardiac arrest - and I'm kind of somewhere in between them all 😂 Huge credit to the @aflwomens for inspiring not only young girls around our country - but middle-aged-torn-fanny mumma's like myself - to give the game a go.